Archive for June, 2012

I HAVE MADE a terrible mistake.

Ten points to anyone who can name this series off the top of their heads

I grew up reading a lot of fantasy literature, in which a naive and unwitting hero, often raised on a farm, is spirited off on unforeseen adventure. I remembering dreaming about taking a running leap and flying off from the paddocks around our house and into strange lands. As soon as I crossed the tree-line I’d be in another country, populated by people who spoke a foreign tongue. I thought that adventure would find me when I finished school. Bilbo and Frodo had their wizard. Garion had Belgarath. Rand al’Thor had his dark rider. I’ve been waiting.

I was wrong.

I finished my degrees, I wandered from place to place, and waited and nothing happened. Now the world is ending, and there’s a lot I’ve done, but also so much still to do that I haven’t done. Gandalf isn’t coming. It’s time to stop fucking around. We have 176 days left. It’s time to punch everyone you hate in the face and buy books for everyone you like.  It’s time to stop waiting. It’s time to get behind the wheel of this existential vehicle and get shit done. Anything in the way gets run over.

So. Here is my list again. Record an EP. That is an ongoing project that I will start posting more about. Become more competent in French, and also in Spanish. I’m going to post about this project within the next few days. See Angel Falls in Venezuela; spend some time in Paris; tell everyone I hate/love them; start writing the book I’ve been planning to write; get published again. These are the goals.

And ride a motorcycle through South America.



Read Full Post »

Don’t be that guy

“OMG! That’s so coollllllll!”

Fuck, this annoys me.


I’ll tell you.

When we read, we subvocalise – meaning that we speak the words in our head. It’s a kind of internal speech involving subtle movement of the tongue and vocal cords. Because of subvocalisation, when people add letters to some words, it’s sometimes – while usually unnecessary and annoying – meaningful in some sense. Take the example “I’m saaaaaad.” In this case the vowel sound in the nucleus of the word has been extended. The addition is really unnecessary, but it’s true that when I subvocalise the word I can hear a long, drawn out sound that mimics how you would speak the word to me. As such, it has some communicative value. I get it. You’re not just sad. You’re saaaaad. Now take an example of what I’m ranting about (repetition of the final consonant, or sometimes vowel, in the coda of the word):

“Good day. What fine weather we’re having. How are you?”

“I’m saddddddddd.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m so sadddddd.”

“You mean sad.”

“No, not sad. Saddddddd. I hurt my legggggggg. It makesssssss me sadddddd. Dddadfasdgaessssss.”

. . .

“My preciousssssss.”

What the fuck is this?

Who the fuck are you? Gollum?

How the fuck is this meant to be read?

Have you ever actually tried saying, “I’m sad-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d?” It’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever seen/heard.

Try saying “leg-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g.”

I need to talk to you, people who do this. We need to put an end to this here and now.

Maybe this is what you think you are saying: “I’m using a contemporary social idiom to emphasise my feeling of sadness.” Here is what I hear: “I can’t spell a single syllable, three letter fucking word.” You need to stop this shit at once. I’m not saying, “I know that social and cultural idioms are relative and that language achieves meaning through usage, but . . .” I’m saying: fucking stop it. I don’t care how you try to justify it. You’re killing it. Everything. You are sucking the joy out of everything. Just stop. It doesn’t work.

And I know what you want to do. You want to reply with some smart ass comment that does this very thing. Like “You’re righttttt.” You want to celebrate your anti-intellectualism, revel in your stupidity, rebel by doing the thing I’m saying not to do.

Go for it.


Read Full Post »


“The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. They had thought with some reason that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor.

“. . . one sees the face screwed up, the cheek tight against the stone, the shoulder bracing the clay-covered mass, the foot wedging it, the fresh start with arms outstretched, the wholly human security of two earth-clotted hands. At the very end of his long effort measured by skyless space and time without depth, the purpose is achieved. Then Sisyphus watches the stone rush down in a few moments toward that lower world whence he will have to push it up again toward the summit. He goes back down to the plain.

“. . . At that subtle moment when man glances backward over his life, Sisyphus returning toward his rock, in that slight pivoting he contemplates that series of unrelated actions which become his fate, created by him, combined under his memory’s eye and soon sealed by his death. Thus, convinced of the wholly human origin of all that is human, a blind man eager to see who knows that the night has no end, he is still on the go. The rock is still rolling.

“I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain! One always finds one’s burden again. But Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of that night filled mountain, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”

– Albert Camus

Full text

Read Full Post »

Sceptics will be sceptics.

Archaeologists claim to have discovered a Mayan calendar that includes dates later than December 21, 2012.

These “scientists” argue that the find proves Mayans did not predict the end of the world. They just predicted the beginning of a new long cycle. If this were true, my blog, which is premised on the idea that I must record my thoughts and complete items on my bucketlist before the end, would no longer make sense.

This photograph has not been photoshopped

This from the same science that tells us the world is NOT a hollow ball populated by sub-terrestrial peoples. Um, yeah. OK, science. “Scientist” William Saturno from “Boston University” – probably not even a real institution – compared the beginning of this long cycle with the rolling over of a car odometer from 99,999 miles to zero: “You go, ‘Yay’, but the car just doesn’t disappear.”

Some people might fall for this “logic”. I don’t. Think about it. Why would someone get excited about an odometer rolling over? Why the happy exclamation? It makes no sense. It just means his car is really old . . . And probably about to end.

Time to shit your pants, “science”

Moreover, this comparison fails to take into account the many real warning signs that indicate we are living in the end times. For example, the Sun’s March equinox position is moving from the constellation Pisces to the constellation Aquarius. There’s also the fact that the Sun’s December solstice position, which is currently in the constellation Sagittarius and therefore in alignment with the Milky Way, will fall on . . . 21 DECEMBER 2012. Important astronomers, whose names I don’t have at hand right now, say that this will somehow create a combined gravitational effect between the Sun and the supermassive black hole at the center of our galaxy that will result in something awful happening, probably some sort of tear in the fabric of space and time like in that movie Back to the Future II.

How real science is done. Smoking weed wearing marijuana leaf pasties.

If this isn’t enough, consider the reliable work of researcher and psychonaut Terence McKenna. While tripping on psilocybin mushrooms and DMT, he discovered that there is a teleological attractor at the end of time which is increasing interconnectedness and will create a singularity of infinite complexity sometime this year. This needs no “science” because he saw it with his mind.

Then there is the I Ching, which is a Chinese book written about some stuff that is also relevant to this discussion.

The point is that ancient wisdom predicted that the world would end this year long before the existence of “archeologists”.

I have not even gone into the theories of geomagnetic reversal or the planet Nibiru. Having proven my point, I will leave it to the reader to further educate him/herself on these subjects.

So what to say to this “scientist”?

The end is coming. You can lock the doors and windows (of your mind). But it is coming.


Asshole scientist trying to fuck up my blog

Read Full Post »